This makes me sick. And angry. So much so that I want to curl into my bed and cry and sleep forever. I can't, because I have midterms to study for and assignments to do. But first, I thought I'd talk about this.
I try not to be too political or controversial on this blog - partly because that's how I am in real life, and partly because there are too many people on the Internet who will get offended by everything, or tell you you're wrong just for stating your own opinion. But in this case, I don't care. I've been saying for years that something has to be done about this, and IT HAS TO BE DONE NOW. The Government of Ontario passed an act in schools making harsher penalties for bullying, but it really only deals with physical bullying, and is obviously still not effective enough. It's a sensitive topic, I know. But political controversy is nothing compared to a young person's life.
October is (among other things) Bullying Awareness and Prevention Month. For those of you who don't know, this Wednesday (October 10th) a 15-year old girl from BC named Amanda Todd took her own life because she couldn't live anymore with all the cruelty she was facing at the hands of other teens.
Her full story and YouTube video is here: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/10/11/amanda-todd-teen-bullying-suicide-youtube_n_1959668.html#slide=1632694
WARNING: That video is one of the most heart-wrenching things I have ever seen in my life. I was in tears for nearly an hour after watching it. If you're embarrassed by crying, don't watch it in public. Do so in private so you can cry if you need to. I do recommend that everyone watches it, though, to hear in her own words what she was going through, because it's a very long story.
This poor girl.. She made that video a month ago and the worst part was this - the description below it:
"I'm struggling to stay in this world, because everything just touches me so deeply. I'm not doing this for attention. I'm doing this to be an inspiration and to show that I can be strong. I did things to myself to make pain go away, because I'd rather hurt myself then someone else. Haters are haters but please don't hate, although I'm sure I'll get them. I hope I can show you guys that everyone has a story, and everyone's future will be bright one day, you just gotta pull through. I'm still here aren't I?"
The saddest thing is that this gorgeous young girl is not still here anymore - because a bunch of teenagers decided their lives weren't complete without hers being a living hell. There are no words to express how strongly I feel about something like this. It sickens me. And stuff is being done about it, but not enough. Even now, there are negative comments being posted on her video, calling her 'retarded' and saying she deserved it after flashing the guy on webcam. YES, it's true she made some bad choices. But NO ONE deserves to die for something like that. I want to know who this pervert is who had the picture and was spreading it around - she was 12 GODDAMN YEARS OLD AT THE TIME, THAT IS CHILD EXPLOITATION! Not only is it illegal, it's completely disgusting and horrific. She didn't even harm anyone!
That's another thing so tragic about her story, she didn't take any of her emotions out on ANYONE else! She didn't beat anyone up, or anything, she took it all out on her poor self.
The Internet is a wonderful place, but it's also a terrible one. Ten, fifteen years ago, this kind of thing would have been unheard of. This poor girl changed school THREE TIMES to get away from these bastards who were trying to hurt her. But they kept after her! They followed her to her new school and beat her! And they tormented her on Facebook, and I'm sure some of them had some pretty horrible things to say back when her YouTube video was first posted. She tried to kill herself once before, and they mocked her for that!!
That part doesn't even really make me sad, it makes me downright angry. What would it take for these stupid immature bastards to get it?! This was serious! She must have been in so much pain to want to take that way out. She drank bleach! I've seen what bleach does to skin, and it's not pretty. She DRANK it. That would have to have been the most painful thing you can imagine, like your insides are on fire. That's so serious, and these kids kept going.
They told her to try a different kind of bleach next time, and that they hoped she died. I can't believe anyone would do that. No matter what someone has done, no one as innocent and alone as she was deserves to die. Ted Bundy? Yes. Amanda? Certainly not. Personally, there are very few times that I've said I hated someone, and I have NEVER said that I hoped someone died. There is a difference between hating someone and disliking them. You can be 'not fond' of someone based on their life decisions, you totally have that right. But hate is so strong! She hadn't done anything to anyone. And even if you don't like someone, that's still no reason to publicly humiliate and destroy them! Just live and let live!
The only times I've ever hated anyone was because of the way they treated me. I was bullied in elementary school. A lot. Those kids, the ones who went out of their way to be mean and hurtful - I hated them, but I also managed to move on and I can truthfully say I became stronger because of it. My bullying situation ended after elementary school and I am so glad it did, because I honestly don't know what would have happened if I had had an equally miserable time in high school. Poor Amanda had all this hate and negativity follow her from elementary school to 3 different high schools. There was nowhere she could escape it, not even at her own house!
I never knew this girl, but I want to remember her. From all her photos, she seems so cute and sweet and confident. It just goes to show how sometimes you just really don't know. There were warning signs, of course, but according to her video, it seemed like she was getting better and truly wanted to live. I feel for her family and her friends. I hope that the evil awful kids who drove her to this point, finally see the error of their ways. Bullying someone to the point where they commit suicide is a crime in Canada, as it damn well should be. People commit suicide every day for different reasons, but this situation is one of the most preventable, and one of the closest to murder that I can think of. I hope that everyone who picked on her, called her names, spread rumours and punched her are taken to court. They don't deserve to get away with this. And I hope everyone who was too scared or just couldn't be bothered to do anything will learn from this tragedy, and not let it happen again.
For all of you reading this, thank you for taking your time to listen to all I have to say. Please remember Amanda, and me, and all the other kids out there who are in so much pain that they don't know what to do. I was lucky. I have wonderful, supportive parents and the opportunity to go to high school and make new friends and escape that situation. Her parents were supportive, I'm sure (they did help her move schools to try to get her away from it) but unfortunately it was too late.
To anyone who has ever considered suicide: PLEASE DON'T. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone about it, but if you find the right person it will help, I promise you. I know you might think you don't matter, but there are people out there who would be absolutely heartbroken to see you go. Even if you can't do it for yourself right now, do it for those people you love, reach out to them and tell them what's happening. It will help. Talk to me, I don't care who you are, I love you and I'm here for you! <3
To everyone else: THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY AND DO. A little joke might seem harmless to you at the time, but for someone like Amanda, it might just be the last straw. Do you want that on your conscience? Don't ignore hateful Facebook pages or posts, report them or tell off whoever posted them. And DEFINITELY don't post or create mean things yourself! Spreading hateful material via the Internet is like suicide in that it can't be taken back.
If someone seems down, or alone, or you see them being picked on, HELP THEM! It seems like common sense, but not enough of us do it. Even if you're afraid of being victimised yourself, get creative and find a way to help anonymously. And if they don't seem to have any friends, be one. A simple smile, hug or kind word can go a long way in boosting someone's spirits, trust me.
Dear Amanda: I hope that wherever you are now, you're much happier than you were on Earth. I hope your soul is finally at peace, and some good can come for others out of your suffering. I'm sorry we couldn't do enough to help you. I didn't even know you, but I wish I could have done something to prevent this. Rest in peace, sweetheart. <3
